The Coachella Guy
The creepy Craigslist ad that has made the most waves in the media lately is the one recently posted by a man who wants to have the perfectly crafted Coachella experience. In his post on Craigslist, the potential predator says that he has VIP passes for the second weekend of Coachella and he’s willing to share the experience with the right young woman. He said he quit his job at the Soup Plantation, cashed in his 401K, rented a room in Indio, and is ready to have some fun — as long a woman between the ages of 19 to 25 fits his criteria. A few requests are (and we mean these are just a few):
“Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc). Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially). Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit. Periodic moments of extended eye contact. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).”
“Must like music festivals more than is healthy.”
If you’ve fallen on hard times — and by hard times I mean you’re in desperate need of a dollar — this ad could’ve made your day. Now, we’re sure that at some drunken time in your life you dreamed of bathing in a tub full of noodles, but once you became Sober Sandy that was just a silly thought that would never see reality. Until this Craigslist user came along and made all of your tequila-induced dreams come true. He also may be a serial killer who wants to eat you as you marinate in a bathtub filled with pasta:
“I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.”
The question is, what kind of noodles, spaghetti or mostaccioli?